Being a Pagan Resource for Teen Seekers
Sep. 2nd, 2004 06:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunflowerpMany Pagans began their spiritual quests in their teens - yet the standard community attitude about teen seekers has for years been, "Too risky, let's not go there at all - besides, they're probably too young to be serious about it." Some of those who voice this attitude are those who came to Paganism later, and as teens were uninterested in spiritual matters; they measure teens by the standard of themselves as teens. Some figure, "I had to fumble through it with no guidance, so why shouldn't they?" Many envision hostility and lawsuits as the inevitable result of any interaction with teens. The supposition is that the kids can wait until they're old enough.
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
Do they want help?
Date: 2004-09-02 03:49 pm (UTC)our offer is at
http://www.usfamily.net/web/triskellion1/under18.htm
BB Ken Ra BTW i am in no way pagan ....being a Wiccan Priest to the core.
Re: Do they want help?
Date: 2004-09-02 09:21 pm (UTC)In response to what I saw as a sore lack of teen friendly adult teachers, I reached out via Witchvox to local teens in my area. I offered classes and guidance to kids 15 and older as long as I got parental permission (via permission slip and a conversation with the parient who signed it - to ensure their sig wasn't forged). I explained that these procautions were about serious legal issues and were in no way an indication that I didn't trust the students who were interested.
I tried several things with them and offered a number of different options. I offered workshops (for free even), direct learning one-on-one and just being on-call for questions. I even got involved in helping one student work towards getting Independant Study credit for work done with me. In the end, the follow-through on the part of the kids wasn't there. At the very most, I because an occational source of information via email or phone - and most of the questions were less magick/craft related and more about the confusion of teen-age years.
I was happy to help, but for the most part, there was very little interest in really learning anything (especially anything that took attention, dedication and focus) and much more of an interest in doing EXTRAORDINARY AMAZING stuff that made them feel special. There is no judgement here - being a teenager is very very difficult and it is an understatement to say that most teenagers do weird things to make themselves feel special, cool and popular. The students I worked with were no exception. I and not saying that they didn't have real and abiding interest in craft, just that those feelings and desires might produce more solid results in the future when they are ready to really settle down and do some learning.
I had one student in particular who was obsessed with a yahoo group where they talked about how they were dragons. His identification with this (something I don't deny him or define as absolutely impossible to say the least) was more about the social structure within the group (which users were part of the more powerful dragon families than others) than it was about connecting with any animal energy, imaginary or otherwise. This wasn't conscious empowerment at all - it was mostly D&D style role playing in the guise of spirituality. Sadly, any positive benefits coming from this - empowerment, connection with dragon style chaotic energy, learning about expanding a vision of the world around him - were lost in the day to day drama of these social circles. In the end, my regularly asked opinions often ended in, "...and remember, take some time to look at what your beliefs and energy are going into and consider if they are really helping you have a happier more successful life. If they are simply making things more difficult, than maybe it's time to shift some of your thinking".
In the end, I think this outreach was more beneficial for me than it was for the young pagans. I got a chance to remember what it was like when I first found craft. I was just the same too, seeing fantastical things in the place of the mundane and creating a feel of being "special" - something I really needed at the time. I remember some of the adults that were there to answer my questions (not that I really listened either). They didn't help me really with information but allowed me to feel like I was coming into a community of people - something else I really needed. Maybe being there is the most important thing of all.
Re: Do they want help?
Date: 2004-09-03 08:59 pm (UTC)"...there was very little interest in really learning anything (especially anything that took attention, dedication and focus) and much more of an interest in doing EXTRAORDINARY AMAZING stuff that made them feel special..."
Yeah, I remember that phase too. I was older so it was mercifully short and more about proving myself than about feeling special... so call me lucky. Or maybe those things are actually twins... Got a suspicion that's the real case. Wince-blush-wince again.
I don't think it's a sign of not wanting help but instead a lesson that every seeker with any appreciable thaumaturgical bent has to learn.
"...In the end, my regularly asked opinions often ended in, "...and remember, take some time to look at what your beliefs and energy are going into and consider if they are really helping you have a happier more successful life. If they are simply making things more difficult, than maybe it's time to shift some of your thinking".
In the end, I think this outreach was more beneficial for me than it was for the young pagans..."
Don't be so sure. That exact advice probably did more than one kid more good than you'll ever know. I remember my greatest high school teacher (personal and academic, though not expressly spiritual) practically tearing up when I told him how much good he'd done me... I got the impression that real and valuable teaching is often a high-fatigue, low-reward thankless freakin' job.
That exact advice probably helped set at least a few people on the road to a more realistic and positive spirituality... it's exactly what I'm talking about trying to get more of out there. Because every one counts.
Yeah, being there really is the most important thing of all. Maybe I had so much trouble finding it when I was in need because I wasn't a teenager and wasn't willing to pose as one... but you're right. Being there is the most important thing.
It's fatiguing and not the most fantastically gratifying thing on earth... there's that darn reality-check lesson again, oww I hate reviewing that one... but, well, there it is.
It's why we've got to put our heads together and help each other to keep something going. Just being there.
Be blessed.
--Ani