Being a Pagan Resource for Teen Seekers
Sep. 2nd, 2004 06:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunflowerpMany Pagans began their spiritual quests in their teens - yet the standard community attitude about teen seekers has for years been, "Too risky, let's not go there at all - besides, they're probably too young to be serious about it." Some of those who voice this attitude are those who came to Paganism later, and as teens were uninterested in spiritual matters; they measure teens by the standard of themselves as teens. Some figure, "I had to fumble through it with no guidance, so why shouldn't they?" Many envision hostility and lawsuits as the inevitable result of any interaction with teens. The supposition is that the kids can wait until they're old enough.
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
Teen Seeker Outreach
Date: 2004-09-02 12:27 pm (UTC)I agree that we have to do something-- both for those who are already solidly Pagan AND for those considering Paganism along with everything else. Those ones especially both deserve and need some very solid guidance. They're the ones most at risk.
If we don't reach out, the Fundamentalists and the creeps will. I know both of these types of people-- THEY ADVERTISE. Fundamentalists advertise openly, creeps do their advertising under the table by word of mouth-- trust me I've met some. They tend to start off with sympathy and interest-- to quote Avon, "Let's talk." Exactly the kind of attitude a teenager-- or anyone else, for that matter-- with questions is looking for.
So (in my very inexpert opinion) that's the attitude we need to have about it too-- "Let's talk." We don't need to be out there to convince them of why they should choose Paganism as their path-- it's their necessary right to make that decision on their own. Fundamentalists and other proselytizers convince. Answering questions in a mature and as-objective-as-possible fashion is NOT proselytizing.
That's what my friends did for me when I was 24-going-on-16 and wrestling with questions, creeps, and Fundamentalists. And it worked. I turned out as Pagan as Samhain... but the important thing is that I made my own informed choice with the help of people who listened to me and answered my questions. Well, that and I didn't end up involved in an abusive cult ;-)
I agree that there are plenty of resources in the "New Age/Occult" section of the local book store and also on the Net. In my own relatively fresh experience, those resources while wonderful and complete are not adequate. Books and Web sites are not the same as having someone to talk to, and they're not an acceptable substitute. They're not interactive and there's no way they can address a lot of the feelings and emotions involved in being a seeker-- especially one with the issues that seem so common to teenagers.
If I'd had to depend entirely on the books, I'd probably still have no spirituality at all at this point. I'd certainly still be wandering lost and alone in the woods-- and not in a postive, look-at-the-pretty-trees kind of way. Or worse, I'd be living in a world of poop and pain, because the creeps would have been there in flesh and blood when I realized the books just weren't cutting it.
We might want to talk to Wren and Fritz and the other people who run WitchVox-- if we could set up some kind of mentoring center for those who want it on the Teen Pages, that would be a low-risk high-availability option.
There are all kinds of risks we have to be aware of-- from Fundamentalists willing to firebomb us to keep us from "stealing the souls of the children" to angry parents taking legal action to even psycho behavior from the very kids we're trying to protect. Nothing like an angry teenager howling "sexual abuse" to ruin your day.
No I don't think all or even most of the kids would do something like that, but I've known people who would. I knew a girl once who beat her kids, blamed her boyfriend, and tried to take out a restraining order on me because I called her on it. She ended up losing her kids, thank Goddess, but the point of this story is that the psycho is out there, and we have to guard against it.
I just don't think that the innocent and earnest majority should suffer because we're too busy fearing the psychos.
I'm bookmarking this place. Let's talk more about it. Something has to be done, and if we don't do it, negative-faith types will. They're out there waiting for the chance.
Be blessed.
--Ani
Re: Teen Seeker Outreach
Date: 2004-09-02 05:32 pm (UTC)Sure, there are plenty of attention seekers, just go into any Pagan chatroom lol. Another lady and myself once got the thrill of explaining to a thirteen year old, who supposedly swallowed a bottle of aspirin because she was upset over a fight with her mother, why suicide was not the answer. Again, supposedly, she made herself throw up, talked to her mother, and all was well...no way of knowing if it was real, if it was somebody merely contemplating suicide and acting out the scenario, or just somebody's rather morbid entertainment. No pre-existing relationship = no follow up, and not for the lack of trying on our part.
Another one...that was after the Witchvox restriction upon adults contacting minors, btw ^I^, so I had to get creative lol...a teenager posted an obvious "cry for attention" poem describing self-mutilation, we communicated online briefly... She acknowledged that self-cutting does not accomplish anything, but "you do what you gotta do"... asked to explain what Paganism was all about, I suggested books and websites, she was like "too complicated," I condensed it to a paragraph lol, that too apparently was too complicated, haven't really heard from her again. It wasn't an issue of intelligence, the poem was quite good and her e-mails quite literate, just an issue of "this is not me at this point in time."
Point of the stories lol--a live Q @ A at Witchvox might work, but i doubt it'll get a lot of serious inquiries. In my experience however, when it comes to mentoring, a pre-existing one-on-one relationship with a lot of time and emotional energy invested by both parties seems to be the only way to fly. (Insert mandatory nod to Gardener lol.)~~Maria
Re: Teen Seeker Outreach
Date: 2004-09-02 08:11 pm (UTC)Through the help and the understanding they gave me, we became close over time.
A Q&A area on WitchVox is just one idea-- I don't claim to have all the answers. I do believe that we'd get a lot of attention seekers and assorted other crap, and I further believe that a lot of people do need to and will choose to find their own way.
But-- I was lucky. When I had a need, She provided someone to help me sort it out. I can't help but think that, in this discussion, She might be asking all of us to give a service by holding out a hand to others in need.
Books really can be too complicated-- or too something, or not enough something. I'm lucky enough to have a little disposable income-- I spent about $200 on used books before I accepted the fact that, as a somewhat nontraditional Pagan, I wasn't going to get much help there.
A lot of my questions dealt with scary things that no one wanted to write (or publish) a book to talk about. If it hadn't been for the concern of a virtual stranger, I would have been up the creek without a paddle.
Be blessed.
Re: Teen Seeker Outreach
Date: 2004-09-03 09:52 pm (UTC)In the end, I ended up finding the Internet a more valuable resource for starting conversations with my friends than anything I was able to read in books.
Makes me wonder if it might not be a good idea to compile a list of websites we've found helpful. We would of course have to come to some kind of agreement about what kinds of sites would be acceptable. From the point of view of a very eclectic Solitary I would argue that we not plan to stick solidly in the main-mainstream but also work at staying away from the outer edges of the lunatic fringe.
The far-out fringe elements aren't that hard to identify... they're usually the ones carrying on about how to basically achieve miracles with a candle, some herbs, and their simple one-of-a-kind formula (TM).
But... again, potentially worth consideration. Like I said, my main caveat is that, since the non-mainstreamers are often likely to be the ones most at risk, I think we might serve them well to venture just a little bit out of the feel-good party line.
Please don't take offense to that-- I mean none. If it helps take the edge off of me, all you Potter fans out there think of Mad-Eye Moody... "Constant vigilance!"
Be blessed.
--Ani