Being a Pagan Resource for Teen Seekers
Sep. 2nd, 2004 06:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunflowerpMany Pagans began their spiritual quests in their teens - yet the standard community attitude about teen seekers has for years been, "Too risky, let's not go there at all - besides, they're probably too young to be serious about it." Some of those who voice this attitude are those who came to Paganism later, and as teens were uninterested in spiritual matters; they measure teens by the standard of themselves as teens. Some figure, "I had to fumble through it with no guidance, so why shouldn't they?" Many envision hostility and lawsuits as the inevitable result of any interaction with teens. The supposition is that the kids can wait until they're old enough.
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
Trouble is, that's not how it works. The process of establishing individual identity, keynote of adolescent development, cannot be put on hold - and that includes the establishing of individual spiritual identity in youngens that are so inclined. The kids will keep seeking, they'll keep reading whatever material they have access to that relates to their path, and if they can't find good resources they'll settle for bad ones - they can't be stopped, any more than they can be stopped from growing up (which in fact is exactly what they are doing with their seeking).
So the bottom line is that we MUST "go there". If those of us who are ethical and reliable won't stick our necks out, the unreliable and unethical certainly will. Instead of envisioning worst-case scenarios of conflict with hostile parents and backing off altogether, we need to consider all the scenarios, not just the worst case; we need to consider what the actual risks are, in what situations, and what can be done to minimize them. Those of us who have already been acting as resources for younger seekers will have much to share about what works and what doesn't.
The common ground of this discussion is that we all believe that the whole Pagan community must serve as a resource for the young Pagans and seekers. We may disagree about many other things. Those other things may influence what we think should be done, and how. Debate, including heated debate, is encouraged - but keep in mind that we ultimately have a common goal; if we're preoccupied with "winning" an argument, it's not our debate opponent who ultimately loses, but Paganism's next generation.
Seems to me that's all the "ground rules" needed (very similar ones worked just fine when I was moderating discussion bases on the old dial-up BBSes - I like things loose). Feel free to ask questions if you have 'em.
Oh, and the name of my LiveJournal space? Pure coincidence, I assure you; when I was setting up a few weeks back, I picked it without much thought (beyond, "I can always change it later") from one of my favorite buttons.
Let the discussion begin!
Sunflower
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-03 01:25 am (UTC)But I'm wondering if it's simply that my expectations are different, or something. For one thing, I don't really expect a teenager to start out interested and end up on a year-and-a-day initiation and study track. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen. But I pretty much expect that a young person is going to be exploring and learning what they lean towards while they're discovering themselves, and so I usually expect that while the interest is there early, the readiness to commit won't quite be there.
So what can I do? Talk, recommend books, answer questions, and wait. Understand that while they're looking at Wicca they're probably looking at other things. Understand that while I'm not willing to provide certain bits of information until I see a stronger interest, I'm not going to close the door because they're not on a dedicated track, either.
I'm going to realize that the questions they ask are the issues they're ready to examine - which is different from saying that the questions they ask are the answers they're ready for.
and like adults, each seeker ideally should be treated individually based on where they're at and how their interest lies. That being said, I'm not an active outreach person for teen pagans. I generally stay pretty private and I can be pretty hard to talk to. I'm not here to chase seekers around or shepherd people - but if they ask, or want to talk, I can do that, a bit.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-03 09:42 pm (UTC)We shouldn't be out to see every kid we try to counsel end up working toward initiation or whatever you wanna call it... or even to see every one end up Pagan.
We're calling them seekers for a reason... and even if it may not look serious from the other side of the experience to a lot of those 'dabbling kids' it's quite serious. I know it was for me, well before anyone else could see how serious I was.
But, yeah... we don't need to be here to initiate them. We need to be here to help them seek. Some will end up mainstream Pagan, some (me! me! me!) will end up as Solitaries... and some will end up deciding that they really belong on some other path entirely. But at least they'll come to that conclusion on the basis of information rather than frustration and fear.
Does anyone think it might be possible to set up a site with something like discussion questions where people could post thoughts and responses?? Part of me, looking back, thinks that's something that might have appealed to me when I was so very very new to all of this.
It would at least provide a jumping-off point for those who don't know enough to even know where to start.
Obviously this is sketchy as all get out, and maybe unrealistic... I don't know. I think it might be worth at least talking a little more about. My teacher has pretty crummy timing... he tends to bring things up right when I've already got all my mental switchboard can handle... but one thing he tried when he could see I was getting frustrated enough to quit (with some success, may I add) was throwing out basically a short 'topic of the day' lesson to see which ones I responded to with interest.
We did at least find out this way that I did OK with mythology and liked spellcraft, ethics, and magickal theory... and had no gift for and ultimately little interest in divination.
I do know that the approach I'm responding to here ended up being the one that worked for my teacher... though it seems terribly slow and frustrating for all involved, and the more results-oriented either party in the teaching exchange is, the more frustrating it will be.
I was lucky to be one of those people who enjoy conversation for its own sake and to have a teacher who feels pretty much the same way. Guess us old windbags are good for something after all.
Let's talk.
Be blessed.
--Ani
littleani7@hotmail.com